Nothing’s going to hurt you baby
A fairy tale we tell our daughters and pray that they never endure the pains of their gender, the horrific tales whispered about family members, aunts, cousins, siblings, best friends……….their Mother, Grandmother, Great-Grandmother……………
I’ve taken a step back for a few days as I analyse not only my own feelings but those of America, the World.. Watching the Senate hearings, watching the talking heads in media, listening to the voices of many women like myself…silently and not so silently screaming.
I began this blog thinking I would describe the “events” around my own youthful rape by an older male, and why I said nothing. But I have come to realise that it really does not matter; the how, when and why. As my wise Mother has always said, people believe what they want, and there is nothing you can say or prove that will change their . minds.
I have always had issue with that, and it has formed me as a person. In life, work, social settings; if I did not have provable facts to back up a statement, I usually did not comment. But I would gladly challenge those who yap off the top of their heads with no basis of their own rants, to show me proof. (Did not make me a popular gal)
Question.. Is this a double standard on my part?
My partner asked me, “To what degree do you believe Dr Ford’s testimony and why?”
My response was simple to give. “100%, because she relayed an event that happened to her. AUGHH ….says I silently to myself, my recollections of my rape are similar, I recall the song on the radio, the smell of his aftershave, my fight response, how I got there..to be in his car with a knife at my throat , the fly that buzzed around the blood that trickled down my throat where he nicked me. I do not recall the rape/sex whatever you want to term it as. I do not remember where he dropped me off after, or what I did who I spoke with or didn’t…………”
“YES, that is why I believe Dr. Ford.” My partner then asked me how it would make me feel if he stated he was only 97% sure he (Kavanaugh) was guilty.
I replied, you are a man who has never experienced something like this, I would be suspect if you said 100%.