subtle-abuseEvening all, I left off last night retelling a story of sitting in the therapists office, being grilled and then him asking me my bra size!

I was shocked; “Is this a trick question? Is he a perv? This has to be a “therapy test, did I hear him correctly, did he just lower his glasses on his pulpy white face and ask me my bra size?”

I know I felt the air in the room disappear, my heart rate jumped, my mouth got dry, I felt the heat & colour rise from my chest to the burning tips of my ears. I may have been a therapy virgin, but this question threw me (HARD)!

I can’t recall much of the conversation after that, I was slightly out of myself having conversations in my head.  He seemed to want to talk more about my Ex and our sex life, I murmured responses just wanting to get out of there. He must have smelled my flight response as he took another route. He began telling me about my friends and neighbors he was treating. He told me intimate details of couples I know, their sex lives, problems and how he was helping most of the community in which I lived.

I left the office far more distressed than upon entering. On the drive home I fought my own common sense with questions of; “Is this a test? Is he just yanking my chain? Is what he told me ethical or legal? By the time I arrived home I had decided that I just don’t need this kind of help, and I made ready to cancel my next appointment.

I did this the next day, calling early so I would only have to deal with an answering service. In the middle of my busy workday he called. He was irate, screaming at me, he berated me so badly that I gave in and said I would see him again. (Damn, 30 year old me was naive and a wuss!) He then told me in a much softer kinder voice, how he felt I needed to talk to someone, and as he had to be near my work, he would pick me up on my lunch hour, we could chat in his Van the next week.

I was standing at the service counter, people were beginning to get upset, and a harsh look from my boss told me to get off the phone.. I said fine and hung up.

Week Later: I’ve got so much going on, trying to raise my daughter who is mad at me for leaving my husband. My family, my work, bills, an ex whom I think I love, working 1000 feet from my office window (driving me crazy) I’m 30 years old, been pretty well on my own since 15 and for the first time in my life…I’ve lost my fight. I am tired, alone and feel like every thing I am choosing is wrong.

The “Dr.” pulls up at my work and beeps his horn. I tread out with my bag lunch like a zombie and get in his van. I’m spaced, he chats cheerfully as we park by the river and he goes on to explain that my ex is really a great guy! (WTF? My brain screams as he goes on to tell me he called him and they went out for beers and to shoot pool, TWICE since my last meeting him! WTF?? MY BRAIN IS SCREAMING!!! He is telling me about a couple, actually the couple whom I know my ex was screwing the wife. I picture my ex bragging about this petite vixen with the boring but adoring husband.

Don’t recall a lot about that conversation, he seemed stoked (high?), but he is in love with my ex, and the problems in our marriage are all mine. OK at this point I have had enough, I can’t fight with him I just have to get through the lunch and go back to work.

A few days later my ex calls (I melt) he tells me that this guy can help us. A meeting at a restaurant is set for 6 pm, we are all four of us to meet, have dinner and chat. Why did I agree? (Truth? my ex’s voice, damn I missed him, I was burnt out and feeling so alone)

We arrive at the rest on time. But the good Dr. is now running late. My child who was only 7, had not been home and was excited. An hour later, the staff having fed her coke and sweets (not on her diet list as she has blood sugar issues) was bouncing off the walls. She’s tired, hyped and being a normal 7 year old. When the Dr. finally arrives we have a hard time talking as my child is.. she is in need of home and bath and bed. But this guy within 5 minutes decides she has mental issues, pulls out a script pad and writes a prescription for major drugs!

I sat back in the booth and looked at my ex. ( he wasn’t all bad just couldn’t keep it in his pants) He turned and told this guy to go get f–ked. And me, dugh…. I went back with my husband.

Nope that did not turn out well….

Night all